spikegifted - 'Stag'
Calling of the 'Party', Evolving plans, Dress codes, Stag minus 5, Stag training programme, Stag training programme 2, Stag training programme 3, Stag training programme 4, Stag training program 5, Approaching, Names, etc., Names, etc. 2, Wind Up, Day before Stag, Stag!!!, Day after Stag, First reaction, So where was John Prescott when we needed him?, The Stag's Alive!!, On the mend?, On the mend? 2, Photo disks are ready, Photo disks are ready 2, Photo disks are ready 3, Photo disks are ready 4, Photo disks are ready 5, Photo disks are ready 6
August 31: Photo disks are ready 6: Message from
I did what? I didn't remember that... Ok, spiking drinks is
one thing, but spiking painkillers is quite another!
August 29: Photo disks are ready 5: Message from [Best_Man]:|
Nice one [CRP] - particularly looking forward to seeing the one of [spike's] naked recital of Hey Bonny Scotland whilst under the influence of his painkillers.
Having already previewed the naelimits ones there is certainly a lot of splashing around and the water does look particularly threatening in places - who's stupid idea was it to go rafting anyway?
August 27: Photo disks are ready 4: Message from
Doh!! Silly me!! As usual, I missed the most important part
of the message... Thanks for pointing it out, though. :-)
August 27: Photo disks are ready 3: Message from [Swifty]:|
The final words in the message below, "Get Down, Hold On" sound very familiar to most of us. Did you recognise them, [spike]?
August 27: Photo disks are
ready 2: Message from [spike]:|
Ho, ho!! Despite my rather poor attempt to spoil everyone's weekend, I'm very excited to see these photos. It might help one lingering question I have: Just how the h5ll did I ended up in the water? :-(
|August 27: Photo disks are
ready: Message from [CRP]:|
All, I got the Nae Limits disk from [Best_Man] this week and have burnt some new disks, adding in the shots from my camera too. There are some very good photos - especially the action shots!! All I need now are some addresses. [spike], [Best_Man] and [Swifty] - I've got yours already, so it's just [the rest] I need... I'd like to post all the disks tomorrow morning if I can.
Get Down, Hold On................
August 23: On the mend? 2: Message from [spike]:|
Yeah, I'm on the mend although more and more bruising is now surfacing, which actually makes the whole mess looks even worse. Eeek! Whether I've any bruising to see by the time of the wedding is pretty much dependent on [the Ruler_of_spike] - if she decided to beat me up before then, I might have some other bruises to show you folks other than those around my [backside]. :-)
August 23: On the mend?: Message from [CRP]:|
Good to hear you're on the mend!! It was a very memorable weekend! I wonder whether there'll still be any bruises to see by the time the wedding rolls around?
August 20: The Stag's Alive!!: Message from
Just thought I drop you guys a quick line to update you on the injured stag... Obviously (and [Best_Man] and [CRP] can confirm this) [the Ruler_of_spike] initially won't believe I was in bad shape and insisted that [Best_Man] got me the crutches to wind her up! What does she know?
As [Best_Man] has pointed out, 'da Boss' has gotten her 'get tough' act together and I was back at work on Monday! No, seriously, the back is not as bad has it first appeared, and although there's large doses of discomfort, there's pretty much nothing I can do about it. However, no matter what I did (sitting down, walking, laying flat, etc) I was in some pain. I figured that the only position that is close to being 'comfortable' would be standing... Obviously, carrying crutches gets a strong sympathy vote from my colleagues, but not so with my fellow commuters.
I'm glad to say that the bruising is now coming out - my backside is in Technicolor and it looks like I've a rather ungainly skid mark at the top of my butt-cleavage. Strangely, other less prominent bruising have also shown up. Despite the rather nasty look, I'm feeling a lot better than, say, on Sunday morning - I can now walk unaided on flat ground and I can pretty much ditch the crutches as long as I don't plan to walk up or down stairs. Hopefully, I'd be rid of them completely by middle of next week.
Thanks for coming along to my stag weekend and my amazing alcohol-avoiding act had worked a treat (better than I dare hoped)...
August 16: So where was
John Prescott when we needed him?: Message from [Best_Man]:|
Good summary [Swifty]. I for one would like to extend a big thanks to [spike] for being such a good sport and pulling off the most cunning stunt to get out of a drinking session I have ever seen - and a big thanks to everyone for tolerating it!
It certainly was a weekend to remember, you were all great contestants and I'd be happy to invite any of you on my next adventure of blindfolded trapeze above a shoal of ill tempered sea bass.
Was good to hear that [the Ruler_of_spike] didn't fall for any of that "bit of a bruise" nonsense and sent [spike] out to work today across freshly polished Tube platforms, should have you off your crutches in no time [spike].
Thanks again for a most interesting weekend ...
August 16: First reaction: Message from [Swifty]:|
Well well well... [That] was the weekend that nearly wasn't. Pleased we were all able to share in [spike's] 'memorable' stag do... Hope all made it home safely yesterday.
[spike], I hope you are feeling a lot better today... I am extremely worried about your proposed travel across to France this September - try and avoid the ferry, I hear it can be a bit choppy in the Channel and wouldn't want you to fall overboard again - a metal boat would hurt you a lot more you know...
Anyway, for all who are going to the wedding see you in September for a great weekend. For those not going see you around...
August 15: Day after Stag:|
I think the general mood of the stag team was suitably summed up by a comment by [Best_Man]: "Wow, it's shocking to wake without the feeling of hangover after a stag!" Needless to say, my lower back was hurting like mad and I could not walk without the aid of the crutches. Everything was a huge effort. It was a good job that I traveled with my rucksack, otherwise, it would have been impossible for me to carry my belongings. Members of the 'stag team' began to make their ways back to their homes after breakfast. I felt really bad that my rafting accident meant that instead of having a good time drinking in various establishments in Stirling, the 'stag team' ended up spending an evening waiting for me outside the A&E ward.
Four of us were heading back to London on the same flight and after a quick strip around the shops at the airport, we boarded and flew back to London. [Best_Man] and [CPR] drove me back from Heathrow to my apartment. As [Best_Man] was supposed to bring me back in one piece, he felt responsible for my little accident. The Ruler_of_spike initially thought we just got the crutches for effect, but quickly realized that it was no joke...
After what happened the past
weekend, I'm ready to get married!!
August 14: Stag!!!:|
[Best_Man] has really done his homework! He's arranged white-water rafting for the day. After breakfast, we set off around 11am for a 20-mile drive to the assembly point for the rafting, but the journey took a lot longer than expected owing to a major traffic jam on the main (and only) road to the site. In the week prior to our arrival, there has been heavy rain in the Glasgow-Stirling-Edinburgh area and there had been some land slides along the roads. As it happen, there were a few along the road to the white-water rafting assembly point.
After finally reaching our destination, we waited around a bit more for another group stuck in the traffic. When they arrived, we were off after receiving safety instructions and training on some basic commands. There were four to six rafters on each raft with one instructor. The instructors weren't just shouting commands, they actually put a lot of work into guiding the raft downriver. There were four of us in my raft and after carrying it a short distance, we were in the river. The first part of the course was relatively flat, which gave the instructors a few opportunities to put us through our drills. The weather was relative good (read: not raining) and I was out with some of my best friends, enjoying ourselves - life was good!
As we progressed downriver, the drops in the river were getting increasingly bigger, which made the trip more exciting. The rush of the raft plunging down a rapid was hard to forget. The four of us worked well together and got the raft going in good shape. One of the more 'mischievous' staggers just could not resist getting me into the water and I got a thoroughly good soaking before long. Having been living in London for over fifteen years, I've gotten used to the rather hard water in the Thames region. To be completely honest, the water in the London region tastes horrible and so it was a complete shock for me that the water in the river tasted a little sweet. It was so fresh!
The instructors on the various rafts kept all the rafts together so that we have a good idea of what the others were doing. Of course, we all had our paddles and were surrounded by water, water-fights broke out as soon as the rafts were in close proximity with each other. I think most people knew that I was the stag and so everyone on the other rafts took good care to give me a splashing of water whenever the opportunity arose. That didn't mean that I took all the hits - most of it probably found their marks on those sitting around me... Sorry folks!
Time flied when we were having fun and soon we were about to tackle the last and biggest drop of the trip. It was actually a two-stage drop. The four of us got the raft going from our rest spot and the instructor gave us order and generally helped lining us up for the drop. The instructor gave out one of the "Get Down" order just prior to the first drop which reduced the chance of getting thrown out of the raft when the water hit the bottom of the drop. I must have been doing something wrong, but either I was getting low enough or was too slow in getting down, I was thrown over the side of the raft. Instinctively, I reached for the guide rope on the side of the raft and managed to hang on to it. However, the raft was getting into the second part of the drop and it carried me down stream.
Luck had it that there was a rock in the way and it caught me full on the top of my pelvis. What happened next was a bit of a blur, but I saw a canoe (there were a couple of them going down stream with us along the way) coming close by and I reached for its tip and hanged on. I think either another canoe or the side of my raft and together the two brought me to the side of the river. The right side of my lower back was in a great deal of pain and I found that I could not put any weight on my right leg. I guess I had the air knocked out of me... The guys in my raft helped me back in it and they made their way back to the assembly point and a couple of them helped me getting out of the river. I think that was around 5pm.
By that time, my lower back was hurting a great deal and I had to lay on my stomach. The fact that [Best_Man] is a medical general practitioner helped a lot - I was confident that he was looking after me to the best of his ability. An ambulance was called but it seemed it took a long time for it to arrive. While we were waiting, I was beginning to feel cool as the wet suit was drying out. Finally, the ambulance arrived and a bottle of laughing gas was given to me to help relieving the pain.
From this point onwards, things became a blur... I was high as a kite with the laughing gas! Somewhere along the line, I was driven to a hospital in Perth with [Best_Man]. I was given an oxygen mask and hooked up to a drip. Some time after arriving in the Accident & Emergency unit, I was given a shot of morphine as I was a great deal of discomfort. I felt slightly better when the wet suit was finally cut away. Unfortunately, the medics had to cut off my favorite swimming trunks also. Anyway, I really didn't care that much as I was drifting in and out of wakefulness. After having a couple x-rays taken, it was determined that there was no fracture to my bones, just bruising of soft tissue. What a relieve!
Eventually, I was discharged with a pair of crutches, as I could barely support my weight and thoroughly drugged up! I think I left the A&E around 10:30pm. The entire 'stag team' was waiting for me at the hospital and I felt I had really let them down. Most of them have traveled a long way and given up their time to come and celebrate my up coming wedding and I managed to kill several hours of their time.
We got back to the hotel and they guys knocked
back a couple of beers while I washed down my painkillers with a couple
cans of coke. Before we hit our beds, I was presented with the costumes
that I would've been wearing if we had hit Stirling that evening. The
theme was 'Doctors & Nurses'... For a stag weekend, we went to bed
Day before Stag:|
I managed to get a half-day holiday from work to travel with a couple of 'staggers' to Scotland. After a brief journey on the Heathrow Express from London Paddington, I arrived at Heathrow Airport and met up with them, including [Best_Man]. Our one-hour flight to Glasgow was uneventful, except for the one-hour delay we had. The air conditioning was not functioning and the cabin quickly heated up while the plane sat on the tarmac waiting for clearance to takeoff. After arriving at Glasgow Airport, we picked up our rented car and proceeded to the hotel in Stirling. Some of the other 'staggers' were already there, as they drove up from the North West of England (that's 4-5 hours of driving!). After leaving our bags in our rooms, we ordered a cab and ventured into the center of Stirling.
There is always something about going to new places - they have local customs and 'sensitivities' that outsiders, like us 'staggers', simply won't be aware of and probably won't immediately understand. However, the local 'sensitivity' of Stirling was relatively easy to figure out... After a couple of drinks in the first pub, we decided to continue our search for suitable venues for my ritual humiliation the next day. Well, I'm glad to say that we figured out what the local 'sensitivity' was: Celtic vs. Rangers. Despite the fact that Stirling has its own football team(s), it is close enough to Glasgow to have large followings of the Glasgowian teams and all the rivalries that comes with them. Obviously it wasn't a good idea to be exposed to such 'sensitivities' as we just wanted a good time. We eventually ended up in a little bar which played reasonable music, but a rather grim bathroom... Eeeeekkkk!!
After the final member of the 'stag team' showed up (arriving on a late flight from London), we moved on to find an Indian curry house to satisfy our hungry stomachs. We were hungry enough to simply charge into the first curry house we came across. Most Indian restaurants have some 'house specialties' and the one we charged into must have been famous for its liberal use of oil in its cooking. There was enough oil on the popadoms to make them soggy! Just wanting to make sure that it wasn't a mistake, there were pools of oil collected on the nan breads... The 'fiery hot' curry that I ordered needed additional 'fortification', in the shape of large doses of fresh green chilies. However, there was no cause for me to complain - I thoroughly enjoyed myself for it was the company that made the evening, not the alcohol nor the food.
We retired back to the hotel
and headed off to our rooms eagerly anticipating proceedings scheduled
for the next day!
Wind Up: Message from [Swifty]: (unseen by Spike until after the event)|
Guys - not sure if this one got through first time so apologies if you've already had it but here it is again anyway! If you can provide a white coat that will be fantastic.
Spoke to [Spike] last night... and tried my very best to up the fear factor because [the Ruler_of_spike] said he was most worried about the wedding! I mentioned something about the castle dungeons and mentioning I thought he was very brave... I think he has twigged that there may be a dress code but that's no bad thing cos he won't have a clue what it will be so that will probably worry him a little more - all in the name of fun of course.
Unknown date: Names, etc: Message from an unknown
stagger: (unseen by Spike until after the event)|
Stirling will be swirling hopefully!
With regards to the finer details, I too had thought about the breast X-ray conundrum and I'm not talking mammograms! Could be worth a laugh though - it's not as if they're dangerous or anything (I'll be ready with the camera when you get pulled over!!!)
Like the names etc. Quite partial to Ben Dover actually, especially
if we had a Dr Phil Macavity on the premises (not sure how that would go
down with the locals though - are ye takin' the piss or somat???)
Names, etc: Message from [Best_Man]: (unseen by Spike until after the event)|
I'm looking forward to a quiet relaxing drink at Heathrow Friday afternoon. Have you ever put a pair of comedy breasts through x-ray before by the way?
I've put my feelers out about costumes - I may be able to get gear in for everyone but I'm making no promises yet - safe to assume I'll have enough of something for me, you and [Spike] though.
I've got loads of old name badges which can be customised - not quite stag passes - names like Dr Evil, Doc Martin etc, any ideas for [Spike's] in his pretty nurses number, all I could come up with was Sister Ben Beach (because then he could be one of our beaches), I suppose there's always Sister Ben Dover if we get desperate.
Anyway, speak to you at the weekend.
Approaching: Message from [Best_Man]: (unseen by Spike until after the event)|
With less than a week to go it's all getting very exciting.
Choosing a suitable theme / dress code for stags is always a tricky business - it's good to get into uniform so we don't lose each other and it provides a constant source of entertainment throughout the Saturday night, but you don't want to look like total tossers and get beaten up by the locals.
So given that we are supposed to be on a 10 year reunion from King's (as far as the hotel is concerned) the general consensus was that doctors and nurses would be a good theme - actually 5 doctors and 1 nurse (Sister Ben Dover). [Spike] has no idea and will hopefully remain in the dark until his nurses uniform appears shortly before departure on Saturday evening.
Using as many contacts as I could (please ask no questions) I will take care of [Spike's] and I also have a small selection of stethoscopes / oversized thermometers and syringes to be distributed - all you need is an old lab coat or (if you can get them) an old pair of surgical greens. If I get lucky and manage to get spare white coats I'll let you know. I'm also working on some name badges, but if anyone else has any other ideas (no not the thong again [Swifty]), do let me know.
naelimits have sent me some more info so please take note:
They will supply wetsuits, life jackets and helmets. all you need is a pair of trainers you don't mind getting wet and something to wear under your wetsuits (trunks etc) a towel and a sense of adventure! Please make the instructor aware of any medication you may be on and bring it with you if needed. Its been suggested for short sighted rafters as myself that a sports strap can be purchased for glasses (bring an old pair!) from any sports shop.
Finally, they have sent me a sizing chart (steady now) - can you let me have your height / weight and shoe size as soon as possible, any other measurements you care to send me will be interesting I'm sure but won't make any difference to how ridiculous you look in your wetsuit.
See you all very soon.
August 4: Stag training programme commences
5: Message from [CRP]:|
Good work [Best_Man]. I'm sure the Scenic will be fine, provided we can open the windows wide.
Very much looking forward to next weekend, memories of your Stag are still fresh in my mind (up to a point - when the pints, the wigs and the comedy breasts all seem to blend into one). Don't forget - you can't bounce a boing and you can't boing a bounce - Chief Sneak is very vigilant.
See you all on Friday [day]. COME ON!!!!!!!
August 3: Stag training programme commences
4: Message from [Best_Man]:|
The stag has spoken - and is sounding remarkably upbeat! Taking it lying down is after all the sincerest form of flattery [spike]!
Transport is now sorted, thanks to [Si], a two-seater and a Renault Scenic which far from being marvellous has barely enough room to swing a stag in, but will have to suffice.
And dress code is virtually sorted - I'll be in touch (with most of you!) later this week.
To answer your question, [CRP] - on arrival nae limits will furnish us with all necessary equipment which includes wetsuit, wetsuit jacket, helmet (steady) gloves, boots, socks and leather strap-ons (or was that on naeinhibitions.com) - best have a look yourself at nealimits.com just to check.
Apologies in advance for the Scenic, that's my first penalty incurred. By the way, training going well so far, two Guinness's tonight and now I'm wasted and off to bed at 9 o'clock!
August 2: Stag training programme commences
3: Message from [Swifty]:|
It's great to see the [spike] is so willing to accept his fate whatever we throw at him... given that several of us have already been through the stag ritual how about a dress code of smart casuals for the main group and a leather thong for the Stag? That way he'd be easily identifiable and we wouldn't have to worry about losing him... although he'd worry a great deal if he lost us...
I'm looking forward to the event!
August 2: Stag training programme commences
2: Message from [spike]:|
As you all know, my alcohol tolerance is legendary, so there's absolutely no point for me to do any training on that front. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'd be a lame duck and this stag still has some kick left in him! Huh!! (I hope...)
[Best_Man], thanks for the tip, as long as I get a chance to show off my chilli/curry handling ability, be it early or late in the event, I think I'd be happy.
As for dress code, I think it would be safe to say that pretty much whatever dress code is impose on me, I'd still retain my ability to come out with complete nonsense (for those who know what I'm talking about) anyway, so bring it on.
Later, folks! See in Scotland!
August 1: Stag training
programme commences: Message from [Best_Man]:|
I am now installed at new address (details below) so apologies for the lack of contact but with less than two weeks to go (and [spike] will need no reminding of this) it should be time to commence pre-stag training.
I'm sure you've all already done your warm up exercises and are nicely loosened up. Inducing liver enzymes takes patience and a programme involving systematic desensitisation (or limbering up gradually if you want it in English) and after a hectic few weeks moving house with no time for regular alcohol (and no fridge for most of it which didn't help) I for one will be in serious trouble if I don't start training soon.
For those who have stagged together before, you will know that the Friday night traditional fayre will involve something hot and spicy to tickle your taste buds. I've never confessed to being able to tolerate anything much stronger than page one of most menus so i won't press this point - [spike] however is likely to try and play his trump card here as his training programme for chillies extends at least 16 years! My only advice [spike] would be not to peak too soon ... is anyone else unmarried and likely to require a similar rite of passage at some stage by the way?
The only things left to firm up are travel details and final dress code - if you could let me know your travel plans if you need a lift from Glasgow airport on the Friday that would be good, and I'll be in touch later about dress code (sorry [spike], if you knew I would have to kill you, after the weekend of course).
Do get in touch if you need to - very much looking forward to seeing you all on the 13th, which may be lucky for some!
|July 9: Stag minus 5:
Message from [Best_Man]:|
My fellow staggers,
In 5 weeks time we shall be convening in Scotland's fair city of Stirling - apologies for the lack of contact recently, mostly due to life being a bit of a blur whilst being in the throws of moving house very shortly.
The weak have already thrown themselves by the wayside, and are wallowing in not having made it past the first hurdle, leaving a core of determined staggers who I am confident will be up to the task. The weekend is shaping up nicely and goes something like this:-
If you can aim to try and land in Glasgow sometime between 3 - 5pm on the Friday afternoon I am planning on hiring some sort of people carrier (contributions gratefully received) which should suffice for the entire weekend with all the various shuttling around that is required.
Accommodation is all booked at the Holiday Inn Stirling www.hiex-stirling.com for 2 nights in my name.
[spike] has narrowly missed being taken up the Trossachs on the Saturday as apparently the waves are a bit limp in August round those parts, so instead we have white water rafting on the menu for a few hours on Saturday afternoon in the wilds of Perthshire courtesy of the aptly titled www.naelimits.com The cost will be £45 per person, I've already paid the deposit but they have asked for the balance to be paid within the next couple of weeks so a cheque made out to me would be most welcome - although I'm going to be moving if you send it to the [Best_Man] address below then it will get forwarded.
And the rest should take care of itself nicely, with general departures on Sunday, again if we can all aim for a flight leaving between 2-3pm (ish) then transport back to the airport shouldn't be a problem.
I'm probably best contacted on the mobile or by email over the next couple of weeks until I'm installed at the new place, by which time our stag antlers should be rattling [spike]'s cage nicely - nae problem!
Let me know how the travel plans are going if you can...
Unknown date: Dress code, etc: Message from an unknown
stagger: (unseen by Spike until after the event)|
...Dress code... Nothing too ridiculous I guess, don't know how friendly the locals are... Medical theme seems fine to me. Do you have a spare white coat knocking about - everyone will be asking you that one I guess - best get in first!!
One other thought - do we need any special kit for the sober activity
on Saturday? Will we need a change of clothes or will they have wet
suits etc? I have yet to visit nae limits.com to find out...
June 12: Evolving plans: Message from [Best_Man]:|
Dear [ 'Stag' participants ],
Thanks for getting back to me, excellent to hear you can make it.
I'm just putting the finishing touches to the rafting, we may not be taking [spike] up the Trossachs after all as it seems a bit calm on those waters, but there's good white water by the river Tay so I'll let you know once it's all finalised.
I'm sure we should try and sort out flights soon before prices go up too much, I'm thinking of hiring a people carrier or something from the airport that could carry us all if you're interested, give me a call sometime if you like.
I'll be in touch soon anyway when I have more news.
Calling of the 'Party': Message from [Best_Man]:|
Dear [ 'Stag' participants ],
It is with great pleasure for me and a sense of impending doom for [spike] that I can announce the arrangements for [spike]'s stag festivities. [spike] is anxious that we stay close to home turf, on dry land, in an English speaking country. The [Ruler_of_spike], on the other hand, had one request, and as long as [spike] is able to walk down the aisle unaided on the wedding day, she's happy to be a bit more flexible.
So white water rafting in the Trossachs it shall be - oh and he muttered something about alcohol as well but [the Ruler_of_spike] didn't seem to mind if he had a few shandies.
So apologies if I haven't given enough warning, the weekend's festivities have just taken shape and look something like this:
· Convene in Stirling (Scotland) on Friday the [day] August - Stirling sits about an hour's drive from either Glasgow or Edinburgh, apparently Edinburgh is pretty packed for most of August due to performances and tattoos (more of that later [spike]) so I can recommend Glasgow for cheap flights and I'm sure we can sort out enough hire cars between us to suffice
· Stag tradition dictates that Friday night be the "quiet night", so perhaps a couple of beers to whet the palates and a curry of your choice to round off
· Saturday involves a short trip up to the Trossachs and a white water rafting experience enough to loosen the seats of most pants - final details to be arranged but probably costing in the region of £35-40, please don't quote me on this yet
· Assuming [spike] does not get stuck in the Trossachs, Saturday evening will be spent exploring the finest pubs Stirling has to offer, most of which I'm assured are open until 12 or 1pm
· Depart at your leisure on Sunday
· Accommodation for the Friday and Saturday nights has been secured at the Stirling Express Holiday Inn, conveniently situated 1½ miles away from the town centre, twin rooms are reserved in my name at the discounted rate of £65 per room per night which I hope is acceptable. Anything closer to town and cheaper was seriously wary of my intentions, but the Holiday Inn was flattered to be chosen to host the King's College 10 year reunion so any mention of stag is quite unnecessary and will be frowned upon and [spike] penalised accordingly.
All I need for the moment is a firm yes or no if you are willing and able to partake, once I have some definite numbers we can go ahead and sort out flights / car arrangements etc. Obviously there will be a theme of which [spike] will be informed on a need to know basis (sorry [spike], stag rules!) I'm away for a couple of weeks but an answer by Saturday 5th June would be most appreciated.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Let the games commence...
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